Countdown to Summer Vacation? Pshaw.

So, I’m seeing all of these posts lately where parents are counting down the days to summer vacation, so excited to have a break from packing lunches, laying out clothes, checking homework, making breakfast etc. etc.  I would like to say that I fall into this category of parents who are still lovingly doing all of these things for their kids up until the very last day of school, but let’s be honest here.  I’m pretty sure I checked out of the school year long before the end.  Like, somewhere back in January.
I used to diligently check my daughter’s homework folder every single night, sit down at the table and go over her homework with her.  At this point, I don’t even know if she still has a homework folder.  Or homework.  The only reason I know she’s still going to school is because I drive her there myself.
Beginning of the year:
Daughter: Mom, I don’t understand how to do this.
Me: Well, let’s read through it together and figure it out.
End of the year:
Daughter: Mom, this homework is hard and I don’t understand it.
Me:  Google it.
Packing lunches?  Well, for the first few months, this is how the conversation went:
Daughter: Mom, I don’t like what’s for lunch tomorrow, can you pack my lunch?
Me: Sure!  I’ll do it tonight after you go to bed.
This is how the conversation went last week:
Daughter: Mom, I don’t like what’s for lunch tomorrow, can you pack my lunch?
Me: No
Daughter: But it’s gross food.  I don’t want to eat it.
Me: You’ll be fine.  Just eat the fruit or something.
At the beginning of the year, I carefully picked out their outfits each night and laid them out on their dressers.  Matching everything, including hair bows and or earrings for my daughter.  Now, she comes down the stairs looking like a homeless street urchin and I don’t care.  I DON’T CARE.  As long as she isn’t naked, that’s good enough for me.  Hair bows?  Pshaw!  I don’t even remember the last time I brushed her hair.  Does she still have hair?  Do we even own a brush?  I don’t know.  And I DON’T CARE.
On the first day of kindergarten, this is how my son went to school:

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
And this is how he went on his last day.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Yes, those are the clothes he went to sleep in.  And he took a Playstation controller with him.  I DON’T CARE.  I am not fighting with him.  He’s dressed, what more do you want from me???  I don’t even know if he put shoes on.  I’m assuming he did since I didn’t get a call from the school telling me my son showed up shoeless.  Whatev.
I used to get up twenty minutes before them so I could make them a nice, healthy, well-balanced meal.  Last week, my daughter ate Cheesy Pringles in the car on the way to school and I was happy because at least it’s some sort of cheese so she’s getting a little dairy and she’s not bitching about how hungry she is.    My son asked if he could have gum for breakfast and I gladly handed him the pack because he hadn’t brushed his teeth yet and we were running late so at least it killed two birds with one pack of gum, or whatever.
So, how many more days of school are left?  I don’t know.  Two, three, something like that.  I DON’T CARE.  I stopped caring after Christmas.  Really, the school year should just end at Christmas.  I think they’ve learned enough by then.

Comments 8

  1. I love that you put into words what most parents would never admit to….we all do this. ..every oone of us….you are my favorite

  2. (its me: IveGotLotsToSay from Twitter)Tonight is the last lunch I have to pack. Hoo-fucking-ray! I should really get Matt’s hair cut…PFFFT! Its a school night. We have 2 days left. Normally I don’t let him play Xbox, I-Pad or anything. Tonight? Knock yourself out. Wanna stay up late? SURE! I am not entirely sure Matt has bathed in a few days…maybe I should look in to that. Cant have ass itch. Homework can kiss. my. ass. That’s right KISS IT! No more emails from the teacher saying Matt is making fart noises with his arm. No more emails telling me he and his pals took wet paper towels and plastered the boys bathroom wall. AND NO MORE SEEING ANY MORE FUND RAISING SHIT I FEEL I HAVE TO PIMP MY KID OUT TO SELL! It just costs ME money!

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